Having woke up with a 'cloudy' head the morning after the Colonel's cocktail party during which one of the guests was 'grazed' during a knife throwing incident. I thought that I would clear my head by attempting a game of the new sport being played back in Blighty...golf.
I got the men to work clearing thick Jungle......unfortunately work had to be curtailed after one of the men was stung on the buttock by a hornet the size of a small child.....his screaming could be heard in the centre of Rangoon.....
Saturday 19 July 2008
Friday 18 July 2008
The Witch Doctor
Having lost at Backgammon for the third consecutive evening, I assumed the worst and thought there may be some truth in the Witch Doctors curse. The following morning I took destiny into my own hands and thought to hell with it! The minute he appearred outisde the camp I opened fire in his general direction. This had the desired effect as he ran away screaming . Feeling much better about my predicament, I awaited that evenings Backgammon with great impatience only to lose once again
Monday 7 July 2008
The Secret Mission
Once clear of the monsoon season, I was asked by the Colonel to accompany him on a top secret mission of the highest importance. I jumped at the chance, knowing I needed the exercise to clear a particularly bad attack of gout which had made both my toes look like eight ounce boxing gloves and rendered me with a gait similar to that of some ghastly zombie.
The Colonel briefed the party that the "Mission" would take one month and would be completed on horseback (The Colonel and I), on foot(everyone else) and that the stores would be carried by mule and thirty five porters (mainly porters). When asked about the mission itself, the Colonel became evasive and shrugged off questions in a brusque manner, so nothing more was said by anyone as we all now knew that the "Mission" must be of a highly sensitive nature.
After many days of struggling through primary jungle and the loss of six porters in an unfortunate tree felling incident, we arrived at the top of a mountain shrouded in mist.
On the direction of the Colonel the men set about making camp with their usual gusto taking two days to ensure the marquee's where correctly erected and the mahogany drinks cabinet( which was 24 hours behind due to the death of the mule that was carrying it) was in place and fully stocked.
At dawn I was awoken by the Colonel who was in a rather agitated state, he informed me that the day of the "mission" had arrived, however, he had forgotten the most important piece of equipment.
So, after covering eighty miles through dense jungle with the loss of six porters, one mule, eleven cases of severe dysentry and a rash not yet identified in any medical journal the "mission" the Colonel informed me was in fact a picture of the sunrise over the "Pradesh Pachmarhi" and he had forgotten the blasted camera!
On the way back we thought it best not to mention it to the men who where by now somewhat "tetchy" and had lost not only several of their collegues but several stones in body weight.
On arrival back at Base camp the Colonel thanked what was left of the men, deemed the "Mission" a rip roaring success because the gin had lasted and besides, my gout had completely gone!
The Major
The Colonel briefed the party that the "Mission" would take one month and would be completed on horseback (The Colonel and I), on foot(everyone else) and that the stores would be carried by mule and thirty five porters (mainly porters). When asked about the mission itself, the Colonel became evasive and shrugged off questions in a brusque manner, so nothing more was said by anyone as we all now knew that the "Mission" must be of a highly sensitive nature.
After many days of struggling through primary jungle and the loss of six porters in an unfortunate tree felling incident, we arrived at the top of a mountain shrouded in mist.
On the direction of the Colonel the men set about making camp with their usual gusto taking two days to ensure the marquee's where correctly erected and the mahogany drinks cabinet( which was 24 hours behind due to the death of the mule that was carrying it) was in place and fully stocked.
At dawn I was awoken by the Colonel who was in a rather agitated state, he informed me that the day of the "mission" had arrived, however, he had forgotten the most important piece of equipment.
So, after covering eighty miles through dense jungle with the loss of six porters, one mule, eleven cases of severe dysentry and a rash not yet identified in any medical journal the "mission" the Colonel informed me was in fact a picture of the sunrise over the "Pradesh Pachmarhi" and he had forgotten the blasted camera!
On the way back we thought it best not to mention it to the men who where by now somewhat "tetchy" and had lost not only several of their collegues but several stones in body weight.
On arrival back at Base camp the Colonel thanked what was left of the men, deemed the "Mission" a rip roaring success because the gin had lasted and besides, my gout had completely gone!
The Major
Thursday 3 July 2008
Face Him Like a Briton
I dismounted from the elephant and proceeded on foot, finally coming to the edge of a small waterfall. It was there that I saw him, a majestic beast, the king of the jungle, a fully grown adult male tiger.
I slowly raised my rifle as he turned to face me. I pulled the trigger but only heard a faint popping sound.
Hearing this, the tiger, squatted down, ready to pounce.
I faced him like a Briton and with great presence of mind I grabbed one of the porters and thrust him towards the tiger, enabling me to make good my escape.
Fortunately the lucky fellow survived having climbed a nearby tree, where he remained for seven days. Upon his return to our camp we congratulated him but as I did not want to encourage complacency I had the paymaster dock him seven days wages.
The Colonel
I slowly raised my rifle as he turned to face me. I pulled the trigger but only heard a faint popping sound.
Hearing this, the tiger, squatted down, ready to pounce.
I faced him like a Briton and with great presence of mind I grabbed one of the porters and thrust him towards the tiger, enabling me to make good my escape.
Fortunately the lucky fellow survived having climbed a nearby tree, where he remained for seven days. Upon his return to our camp we congratulated him but as I did not want to encourage complacency I had the paymaster dock him seven days wages.
The Colonel
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