The unfortunate porter and the leopard

I remember my first encounter with a leopard in Ceylon, I thrust one of the unsuspecting porters towards the animal and ran off in the other direction. We later recovered the porter's pack which was remarkably intact. Not so much could be said for the porter I'm afraid. The Colonel

Atlantic Crossing

Having toured the breweries of Frankfurt, the Major and I boarded an airship for America. After the Majors disastrous attempts at making cocktails to impress the waiters and several bottles of schnapps we retired to our cabins and awoke several days later in an American hospital, our clothes burnt beyond recognition. I admonished the Major for such a poor choice of transport and reminded myself never to take the Hindenburg again.

Belgian Waffle

Belgians are just Frenchmen pretending to be German. I wish they'd make more effort when learning the Kings English. One particular fellow, Arnaud had resided in the Congo for many years and had gone quite native and, as the Major remarked, quite mad as well. The final straw came when he cannibalized his wife following a minor tiff over what hat to wear to the Belgian Ladies Butterfly Club. They only found her hat and about twenty Butterflies.  A tragedy as the club closed soon  thereafter, although I must say Arnauds wife did have the most annoying laugh. As for Arnaud he was rumoured to have fled into the highlands where he was last seen wrestling with Gorillas. The butterflies were collected by the Major and presented to the Natural History Museum in London and put on display during a special exhibition named 'Great British Discoveries'. 

Mythical Creature

Dressed like pioneers in an assortment of native and settlers attire, we spent days tracking the animal and finally caught a glimpse of it in a clearing, rummaging around in the snow. If this was indeed the mythical creature that everyone had referred to, then I would be the one lucky enough to bag it. I took careful aim and fired, and, as in the legend, the wounded animal let out a long piercing cry then a shout - 'Bloody Hell Colonel you shot me!' the Major complained for days and had to be moved from camp to camp by sled, his lucky raccoon hat not so lucky after all.

High Stakes Investment

Having heavily invested in an American company I was forced to travel to United States of America and address the issue of my missing funds. I found Mr Lehmann, my business partner, standing on a ledge outside his Wall Street Office. I said the only thing that came to mind 'Hello old chap, nice view from up here' upon which, Lehmann turned to look at me, slipped and fell to his death. The next time I invest in America I will choose a partner who has an office on the ground floor.

Dangerous Waters extract from 'Surviving Africa a Gentlemens Guide of the Dark Continent'

When fording crocodile infested rivers, it is always wise to surround oneself with as many porters as possible, to ensure ample warning of an attack. In any case the average crocodile will be satisfied with one victim and will rarely come back for a second.

The Colonel

Low Attendance

Somewhat annoyed at the poor turnout for last years Christmas Mass I have informed all ranks that non-attendance this year will be classed as desertion and any offenders will be punished with consideration given to rank (Officers will be exempt). This should do wonders for morale and help spread some much needed Christmas cheer amongst the men.

The Colonel