Wounded

'Old Shackers' had been wounded in action several times and as such, had trouble getting around. It was only at the Annual Officers Ball that the full extent of his injuries became apparrent. After a rather risque move that involved a twirl, of sorts, both his legs shot off in seperate directions taking out several of the other dancers. With great presence of mind the Major had him evacuated on a tea tray.

The Colonel

A Sound Thrashing

Having lost our carriage we strolled through a popular area of London. Walking the streets I marvelled at how people could cope living in such squalor. We were approached by several street urchins asking us for charity but I soon fended them off with my cane, administering a severe beating to both before placing a few pennies in their unconscious hands. Whilst I straightened my cane the Major commented 'You have to admire their resilience Colonel. Only the British can take such a sound beating and carry on'. 'Yes' I replied 'and as long as these chaps can, we will continue to extend the influence of the empire'

Fine Dining

In those days one would dress for dinner in the appropriate attire, nowadays people wear the most ghastly and inappropriate things, old beefies Indian head dress springs to mind. The major, for a while,adopted a pair of silk pyjamas and pointed shoes with bells on the end which he insisited on wearing to dinners and such affairs. Apart from the infernal ringing when he walked, he could not remain seated at the table for very long as he would just slide off the chairs due to the silk, a quick ''frrrrtt'' followed by a thud and the tinkling of small bells, the bloody fool...

Croquet

Croquet is for people who can't afford to play polo

The Leopard Skin Rug

I awoke to find myself abord a yacht in the roaring forties wearing only a leopard skin rug and one leather sandal

Teutonic Toilets

Finding ourselves lost in the town of Wendelstein and nature calling, the Major, using great improvisational skills found an Oompah band playing nearby and asked them in his best German -' Vere iz de toileten?' We soon found ourselves being chased through the narrow streets by a furious band. I dare say the lederhosen must have caused them terrible chaffing. Having finally shaken off the Oompah Band, (the Tuba player collapsed from exhaustion), we stopped once agin for directions. This time we stopped a passing priest, the Majors language skills came to the fore once more - 'Vere iz de toileten?'. The priest looking rather perplexed replied 'Half past two' in almost perfect english.

The Instrument of Death

Whilst visiting the Kakadu region in Northern Australia one of the aboriginal fellows approached me brandishing what appearred to be an oversized blowpipe similar to those used in South America. Having none of it the Major and I set about him and pummelled him to the ground where he lay for a while before being carried away by his fellow tribesmen. The Major having sucessfully disarmed our would be assailant picked up the pipe and blew into it emitting a rather low buzzing sound. Thereafter I found myself the victim of this infernal pipe whilst the Major amused himself for hours on end. One evening I removed the pipe from the Majors tent and took it back to the Aborigines. I was met by its orginal owner who was now sporting two, rather large, black eyes. Taking the pipe from me he beckoned me towards a gathering of his fellow tribesmen amongst whom I then sat. Surprisingly they all spoke english and referred to me as 'Mate' Several hours later I returned to our camp slightly worse for all the rum I had consumed and now having made friends with Mr Digeridoo.

The Colonel

The Hunt 'Day two'

We spied a lion this morning with what appearred to be the remains of an antelope in its mouth, sensing a great opportunity I called for my rifle and waited patiently whilst one of the chaps loaded it. We then set out to perform a flanking manouver downwind of the beast. We crept to within a stones throw of the lion devouring its meal. I slowly assumed the Widgley stance and leveled my rifle at the lion and fired...
The chaps all scattered into the bush screaming what must have been words of encouragement. With the lion now hot on my heels I found a baobab tree and quickly scaled it. This afforded me an excellent view of the ensuing mayhem as the lion turned its attention to those who had not found any trees....

'The Hunt'Day three
Still in tree

'The Hunt'Day four
Still in tree

Persian Relief

Whilst crossing the Salahaddin Massif with our Kurdish guide Bestoon, the Major observed him squatting once again by the roadside. Very annoyed, the Major, in a fit of pique, immediately reprimanded him for his laziness, whereupon he realised that the chap was relieving himself in the local fashion (something I have tried several times with disastrous results).

The Colonel

Extract from the Colonels journal

'The hunt' Day 1

No zebra, shot two locals, one was the guide....

The Major made tea and set fire to several acres of wild savannah.

Better luck tomorrow