Ornithology

Having climbed the tree with my field glasses I leaned forward in an attempt to get a better view...unfortunately I fell and became trapped by my pith helmet between two branches. With great presence of mind I undid my chinstrap and fell 15 feet to the jungle floor. Luckily I landed on one of the coolies who ran away screaming, apparently he thought I had been sent from the skies to punish him. After that, I gave up ornithology and resorted to shooting specimens and inspecting them at a later date.

News from afar

Of course it was easy to keep abreast of affairs back home as the railways ensured that we recieved mail and newspapers within days, the real problem lay in finding someone to read them to me over dinner, this was particularly problematic at dinner parties when the reader would have to whisper in my ear whilst seated behind me. Old Shackerly Bennet from the Royal Artillery had his batman shout the news to him as he was as deaf as a post!!

The Colonel

Jawindi

Jawindi during the monsoon season can be a ghastly unforgiving place with mosquitoes the size of a mans hand. The relentless heat and humidity can turn a human being into gibbering wreck in a very short space of time...

So being asked by my former head prefect to play 'hide the sausage' did nothing to improve my morale......

The Major

The Frog

We learnt from the local tribesmen that certain frogs could cause delirium, especially when licked.
I volunteered one of the porters and he died in seconds, albeit in a delirious state....

The Colonel

Mess Life

The Colonel had invited the Padre and I over to the officers mess for one or two glasses of gin of the pink variety. As my promotion was long over due I thought it best to take up the offer......another reason of course was that if I didn't go the Colonel would class it as 'desertion' and I would be summarily shot.

On arrival we entered into a strange world that only British Army officers and.........chaps who have been to boarding/private school would understand. The Colonel who as usual was holding court with some of the chaps from Mosquito Squadron, beckoned me over to his table and insisted I drink a strange concoction his batman had dreamt up whilst recovering from a particularly nasty bout of malaria.
As I raised the pith helmet to my lips I knew it was going to be a long night..............

The Major

Letters to the Colonel

Any news is good news and better than none at all....except for news from the Northern Americas which often arrives with crates of animal furs, smelling of fish. I have been told that letters are good for morale, especially those from my wife and, on occassion, those from other peoples wives.
I would therefore like to hear from anyone who has any 'pressing matters' they would like to share with either the Major or myself. Write to this address and we will respond in a timely fashion.

The Colonel

Memories

This is me aged 18, the week after I left boarding school.......hence the faraway look......the uniform is splendid however......it is amazing what you can do with a service blanket.....

Me again as a young Subaltern posted to a small outpost near Jawindi.......the only thing that had changed was the bleaching of my uniform in the hot sun......the faraway look persisted.......as the senior prefect from my old dorm had been posted there too......

Martial Arts

Having mastered the basics of Kung Fu I knew what the fellow was about, his bowing with both hands clasped did not fool me. I immediately set about him delivering several swift kicks to his groin and a chop to the neck whilst screaming 'Hiyah' as I had been taught.
Satisfied that I had incapacitated the fellow I left for refreshments feeling very happy with myself.
The British High Commission did not share my feelings and I was ordered to apologise to the head monk of the Buddhist monastry whom I had assaulted.

The Colonel