Return from Egypt

As was customary in the day I returned home with a Mummy under one arm and a dried crocodile under the other, unfortunately I also had a rather nasty rash....

Old Peachy

Old Peachy was very drunk he threw his porter off a bridge. Typical peachy that....
Peachy shot the cha wallah by mistake, his wife however was intentional after he caught her with Old Biffo from the Lanciers.
He was eventually trampled by an elephant, we couldn't find a stretcher wide enougth for his body I heard they posted him home to blighty.

The Colonel

Good old Jonty

Jonty wore an orthopedic shoe.
Only the one, but he soon grew tired of walking round in circles.
At boarding school he showed me how to ride a bycycle....without a saddle.....
the bounder...........I also used to warm the toilet seat for him

News of the Empire

I rode for several days with the good news in hand as I had decided to send the message via the electric telephone, holding the device in my hand I spoke into the mouthpiece and held the other appendage to my ear, I spoke for several minutes, to myself actually as I had not cranked the handle...I eventually got through only to have the Majors batman inform me that he was out to tea....the bastard.

The Colonel

The Kasbah

I awoke aboard a Sopwith Camel wearing only a loincloth with a splitting headache and sore backside, some of the groundcrew detachment looking at me as though I had two heads...it wasn't until later in the bath that I realised in fact I indeed did have two heads....but not in the biblical sense.....having finished all the gin we decided to abandon the airfield and made off on foot.
Despite being extremely drunk I managed to navigate the dead sea on foot and arrived with the most fearsome callouses.
One man drowned and another was left with a severe limp.
On entering the port city of Aqaba...I was accosted by a chap called Mohammed who introduced me to a full bosomed bellydancer called...Mohammed...I began to smell a rat.
They had the same eyes you see....and big hands...
Which brings me to the subject of crocodiles in bottles a variation on the ship, you see the crocodile is introduced to the bottle at a very young age and fed on a diet of weevils and hard tack biscuits.
How can someone with such big hands perform this 'tour de force'? I wondered out loud, unfortunately he took this last comment to heart.
I soon made off across the kasbah throwing women and children in behind me.....Mohammed hot on my heels wielding a rather nasty looking Scimitar
I managed to evade capture by diguising myself as hubly bubly man and spent the next few hours in a state of bilissful unawareness thanks to the contents of a rather large Hookah pipe
Slightly the worse for wear I was uncovered by Mohammed and his growing entourage, I was soon cornered and resorted to my school days going at them with everything the Marquis of Queensbury had to offer and some other tricks that I learnt in the dorm after hours
It took me three weeks at a back street surgeons place in the souq to remove the Hookah pipe from a rather embarrasing place...